Been blading at the park a lot these days.

The weirdest thing about the park that I go to is that I've already ran into 2 high school classmates that I haven't seen since graduating high school. Come to think of it, that equals to 14 fuckin years ago! *getting lightheaded thinking about the number* Both times, I was too busy blading and didn't notice them. So instead they called out my name first, which startled me because you know I'm so big on anonymity in this town.

Seeing old classmates is nice, especially if they aren't your enemies. But it's when you see their KIDS that really blows your mind because in my mind, I think I'm still....22 or so and kids are nowhere in my life's equation. But it's when I see their 10 year olds playing softball that it really puts into perspective that I ain't a young'un anymore. My classmates then ran down a quick list of folks they keep in touch with and how many kids they have as well. The number is staggering. I think I'm just out of the ordinary to not want kids. Aside from seeing old classmates - another good thing to come out of it is that they said i 'still look the same.' [obvious justification for seeing a dermatologist and not having kids :p]

Another time, this chick kept on staring at me out from under her visor. I hate people who stare. I mean, I HATE it. But I recognized her and on the 3rd time passing her on my blades, I asked if she knew me. It turns out that she thought I looked familiar as well but couldn't quite place me. But people, if you think you recognize me, why not say something? Don't try to stare me down dammit. *rolling eyes* She was a girl who used to work at the bakery with me but one that no one liked because of her bad bad bad personality and lack of obvious people skills that.....I see, have not changed one bit. I never liked her when we used to work together. She never smiled, she never joined us in our conversations, and she just thought she was so special to be different from us. Yeah, whatever. I could have cared less if I never saw her again in my life. Yeah, I'm mean like that.

Sooner or later, people recognize you and vice versa since you're rolling by on a walk, run, bike only path. But I keep to myself and give pedestrians the right of way. There is an elderly German gentleman though that we have befriended. We always exchange some sort of conversation when we see one another. But one time, we were talking about marriage or something and he turns to me and says,

"you look fine the way you are winnie. it's the inside that counts."

Like, where the fuck did that come from? Am I so fuckin repulsive that I need validation from people even if I didn't ask for it. I know he's trying to mean well but it totally caught me off guard because we weren't talking about the way I look nor if my self esteem was low or anything else like that. It just reared its ugly head out of the blue. So then needless to say, it gets me thinking about if I'm really that grotesque and horrifying. Do I scare kids away at the park and have them running to their mommies in fear? Do the masses run for cover when they see this vision of ugliness rolling towards them?

What?

Am I truly that...unappealing?

Funny how something as simple as going to the park can bring so much stress to one's life. :P

I'm out.