physically speaking
january 09, 2005
i think i'm in my vain phase right now. humor me here ok?
i've been trying to take some self portraits in recent days but most of the time i end up looking like a drug addict or i have 4 chins. in a batch of say, 20 photos maybe only one is worth salvaging - all the other ones are horrific at best. i suppose that is the how self-critical we are of our own looks. nothing is ever right - let alone perfect.
it dawned on me that i spend so much time taking photos of things and other people that i don't have too many photos of myself. recently, i was looking at various jpegs of myself over the years and i realize how much i've changed visually. first glances are deceiving as i can't really see the changes right off the bat but the longer i look, the more the differences jump out at me. i hate to admit it but i no longer think that i look like a girl anymore but instead the fine lines of maturity are settling in.
it's really sobering as 35 is just really around the bend.
^ new scarf done during christmas time. photo looks just like last
year's entry except i hope a bit thinner.
this week, i had a few conversations with various people regarding physical attraction. i think when it comes down to it, men & women have very different thoughts about how physical attraction come into play, how to treat it and how to proceed with talking about it.
i think as a woman, i will be forever sensitive to this topic. nothing men say will ever be satisfactory. regardless if the comments are positive or negative, i think our own minds are so fixed on a certain self image we have that it's hard to break down how we view ourselves. i know for me, the simple act of looking in the mirror is a feat in itself. it's not that i avoid it but i am certainly not one of those women who gaze longingly at themselves all day. i basically use a mirror to put on lipstick, make sure my hair is not too messed up and that there is no toilet paper stuck into the waistband of my underwear. and so in a sense forcing myself to do these self portraits allow me to be more accepting of my looks.
i was curious to know though - can a man be attracted to a women without being 100% physically attracted to her? i know right off the bat, the answer is of course, yes. if not, most of us wouldn't be with who we are involved with now. although many men would profess their undying feelings to their love interest, how many of them actually find them physically attractive? or that it meets what their ideal physical attractiveness of a woman is? really, how many of us meet the ideal of what our mate would find physically attractive? i'm not saying there are none but i would bet my life to say - it's rather a slim percentage.
it's rare to find someone you really bond with, click with, fall in love who also satisfies your idea of the perfect woman - visually. i think the same goes for us women when we look at men. sure there are plenty of guys i may see at restaurants or on the street that i may find visually attractive but then...so what? it's just the looks on the outside that draws you in at first glance but then what? i think women are simply drawn more to men who we see from the inside out. if they are what meets our desires on the inside, then the outside will naturally just fall in line regardless if they initially aren't what we think is our version of eye candy.
a guy friend asked me this week what one would say if we liked but who we didn't find a visually appealing? he said that he would say something like "i may not find you physically attractive. but i am attracted to you for who you are." ouch. any women who hears that will probably jump off the cliff if the guy she's interested in said that to her. there's probably nothing more damaging to one's ego than to hear that we are not attractive to the male species. with all the media focusing on "looks" and so many fellow "competitors" vying for the rare king of the jungle, it gets pretty ruthless when one needs to "out beautify" the other.
now i'm not saying that all women will be competiting against another but instead, i think we are competing for what the guy has in his mind is his visual perception of a beauty. and THAT is harder than competing with any other challenger. because in the way that men seem to phrase things - it seems like if we are missing that final component of physical beauty, then that may very well be the deal breaker. i know i know - who needs a guy like that then right? but as foolish people, we just get hooked on certain individuals i think.
so i told my friend that if i happened to meet a guy who i was interested in but who wasn't the best looking guy on the market, i would probably say something like "he's not exactly the type of guy i look for but i'm attracted to him for who he is and that makes him attractive to me." we certainly WOULD NOT say that i "don't find you physically attractive". i'm not sure if what i said would be taken any easier but i can tell you that it certainly would sound nicer.
i guess in the end, women are constantly striving to look how we envision would attract the male species. in addition to throwing our own style and sense of fashin, makeup and hair into the mix - most of us try to keep ourselves presentable to the one we care most about. although i hope (most) men are attracted to women as a package from the inside out and i hope that would sustain their interest and passion for a women, i can't deny that physical looks must play a role in all of this somehow. if not, then how come we always hear about men saying to their buddies "oh, she's let herself go".
as for me...i know where my strengths and weaknesses are in the looks
department. but the face is what i was born with and will remain so and although
i'll strive to improve on the other parts of my body for my health - i realize
that i cannot do anything really in terms of changing a man's mind
in how i fit into their ideal of what a beautiful woman should look like.
i know that who i am inside and who i exude to be from within will & SHOULD
outweigh any sort of physical shortcomings i may have. i need to realize that
although i may not be the thinnest or the prettiest of beings on earth that
perhaps someone will appreciate me for the person i am inside. afterall, physical
attraction can only last so long and if anyone takes that over the personal
attraction internally, then why would any women bother with that person?
but let's be frank - as a woman - hearing that you're not physically attractive to someone you care about is just about the most raw realization ever that just cuts straight down to the core of your very being. one can't help but think "where can i improve?" or "if only i looked like this way then.."
the bigger question though is can a woman live knowing that she is attractive to another person for who she is but not physically?
your thoughts?
p.s. more self portraits for your viewing torture later. and aren't those eyebrows pretty badass? i dare you to say no.
