the need to write
july 29, 2008
i've been averting my eyes for the past few months as i see the aiyah.net name book marked on my computer. i know it's sitting there dormant, lifeless, un cared for. and yet, i just couldn't commit to it. i became ashamed of myself for letting it get this far without writing. i of course (as you've noticed awhile back) did work on a mini facelift just to give it a breath of new life but still...the time wasn't right to write yet. i had thought it was but was wrong. people have written to, hinted at,
harassed me about writing but i just couldn't bring myself to write. and it only seemed to get easier by the day to not write. one day bled into the next and before you know it, so many lost months have passed and i'm sure i've lost practically a year or more here on aiyah.net.
and a lot has happened.
i cannot make up for the writing that doesn't exist but will try to encapsulate a lot of the events that has taken place in some sort of bullet point or something.
perhaps the thing that made me realize that i need to update is the fact that i've recently gotten really really frustrated at myself. emotional. moody. awkward. angry. violent. dark. unsociable. and i couldn't put my finger on if it's stress? is it worry? is it hormones? and then it dawned on me that i haven't had a decent outlet to verbalize all that i need to. maybe it's the writing here on this site that has saved me all along.
and with that, i'm ready to write again.
and i hope those who are in los angeles are all ok from the earthquake. the 5.8 epicenter was really close to where i live so it was a really bad quake from where i was at. hope you're all doing ok though.
currently listening to: u + ur hand, p!nk